Blog 54  Wedding Fever…?
I am beginning to think that this is an actual illness you know…wedding fever is often mentioned from time to time and if you take the word ‘fever’ literally it could well describe how I am feeling currently. I woke up suddenly one night last week from a very deep sleep; which was wonderful as you know I rarely sleep all night anyway; but this sleep rendered me totally confused and unable to think straight. I felt hot as though I had a temperature and I felt sick…no nothing to do with the usual hot flushes or too much wine and we’ve not had any takeaway food lately…it felt like a real fever. I suppose a better description would be a panic attack. What could I possibly be panicking about?
The ‘Bridezilla’s’ wedding.
Oh I know, I know it is a very exciting time and we are all looking forward to it from different points of view…the ‘Cutie-pie’ is looking forward to wearing a suit, cravat and chatting to the bridesmaids [or brides-mates as he used to say…] as well as having a really good dance and let’s not forget the food! The ‘Intelligent-one’ is also looking forward to the food and to dancing having recently discovered that actually he can move in time to ‘Your sex is on fire…’ even though as his mother I’d prefer not to think of my first born and the word sex in the same sentence!
Of course the ‘Hubby’ is his usual calm, chilled self and has nothing to worry about…including the speech as the ‘father of the Bridezilla…’ nothing will faze him. But me? Well that’s a different story all together.
In my deep sleep I had been dreaming that I was standing in the church surrounded by loads of people that I didn’t recognise…I was looking around when the church door opened and someone said; “She’s here!” and when I turned round to watch the ‘Bridezilla’ walk down the aisle it wasn’t my ‘Bridezilla’ at all but some random bride who started shouting at me to get out…the feeling that I was in the wrong wedding ceremony was overwhelming and as I tried to get out of the church I could hear everyone talking and I looked down at myself to discover I was totally stark naked…then I woke up!
So, I know that being naked in your sleep is a common dream and I can no longer remember what it means; but lying in my bed with my heart thumping in the dark left me with an awful feeling of dread. Good God what can happen on the biggest day of my niece’s life? What can go wrong? Well I know I won’t be naked…no chance of getting into the wedding car without my clothes on…I’m sure even if I slipped past the ‘Hubby’ unnoticed then the chauffeur would have something to say! [I then remembered my mum telling us about her wedding day and how when grandma was getting out of the car she looked down at her feet as they touched the pavement and in all her excitement she had forgotten her shoes and was still in her slippers!]
Supposing it runs in the family?
I ran through a mental check list of what still needed to be done and of course my outfit was the top of the list…when should I start looking…where should I go? How much do you spend on the mother of the bride outfit in order to look special? Should I wear a hat or a fascinator? Do I tell everyone what I’m wearing so no one turns up in the same outfit? Believe me it does happen…and if it did do I tell that person to stay at the back of the church?! I turned over in bed, plumped my pillows up and snuggled down; the minute I closed my eyes the thoughts ran through my head at a million miles an hour.
The ‘Bridezilla’ has chosen her dress, her cake, her car, the mens’ suits, the church, the wedding venue, the D.J, the menu…she has her bridesmaids' dresses hanging up in the wardrobe and they have their shoes. Not an easy task when one lives across the Irish sea, one lives in Manchester, one in Blackburn but there is a bridesmaid living locally! They are different ages, different sizes, different tastes in shoes, different hair lengths and colours…but they all have one thing in common…they love the ‘Bridezilla’ and will make her day a happy one.
I closed my eyes…heart racing: the underskirts! OMG! They need the underskirts organising…I shot out of bed, rummaged in the dark for a piece of paper from the back of my drawers…anything to write on; the back of a indigestion tablet packet…what to write with…digging deeper I felt my fingers grasp a small tube… yep a lipstick will do...ah ha… I proceeded to scrawl… underskirts, black, 4 on the cardboard. Ah now I won’t forget. The bridesmaids will be sorted. I closed my eyes and for some reason suddenly I kept thinking about when I was a bridesmaid. I tried to block all thoughts and tried to sooth myself into a deep slumber…but no; images of pale blue trouser suits flooded my head.
I was only 10 when my uncle announced that he was getting married and his future bride asked if me and the ‘big-sister’ would like to be bridesmaids…I was so excited. I drew pictures of the big floaty dress we would probably be wearing. Oh and pink…it will be pink my favourite colour. We would all be walking down the aisle and everyone would oohhh and ahhh…however this was the sixties and my aunt was young and funky. Dresses? No…trouser suits…what? I was gutted when she came to measure us up. The look on my mother’s face was enough to tell me to keep my 10 year old mouth almighty shut and to smile and say nothing. I thought only old women wore trouser suits and my friends at school didn’t believe that I was going to be a bridesmaid because I wasn’t going to be in a princess dress. Then one day she appeared with a pile of blue, glittery, lurex material and proceeded to help us dress…the top was an A-line, long sleeved mini dress that stopped an inch or so above my knees and it had a little stand up collar. The trousers were straight and we were wearing brand new sandals with a sling back…I felt so grown up, so modern, so excited that I didn’t want to take my new special outfit off…this was nothing like the trouser suits older women wore and I caught my mother’s eye and she looked at me and smiled as if to say ‘…told you so…’ On the big day there were four of us as bridesmaids…we had our hair in a bob style and the coolest thing of all…we had daisies in our hair as well as carrying a bouquet! [If my memory serves me well we were actually the bridesmaids of the month in the local paper!]
Well I was wide awake by now, no chance of sleep as my mind raced ahead with memories of being a bridesmaid for my younger brother.
The ‘big-sister’ and I were going to be bridesmaids together again! In blue again! This time they were long floaty dresses, off the shoulder, lacy ones…just the thing for the early 1980’s…with big hair do’s and lacy fingerless gloves. We spent a full year dieting and exercising so that we wouldn’t be two fatties next to the other rather slim bridesmaids and the slim bride! I worked in Liverpool at the time and just the day before the wedding I was standing on a cupboard attaching some art work that was hanging from the ceiling in my classroom…it was the morning break and the children were outside but one little lad had come back in for something and stood next to the cupboard…calling my name…he stopped at my request as I said I was nearly finished and he could tell me when I got down...I stupidly ignored his “But miss…” as I stepped back…flew through the air, arms and legs flaying about as I tried to retain some dignity so that this little one wouldn’t see my knickers and desperately trying to grab something to stop my fall…BANG full onto my left hand side…in a heap…oh the pain…and the little boy? He was standing next to the chair that was against the cupboard that had had my shoes on it so that I could climb up onto the high cupboard and then step back into the shoes and jump off the chair…against all regulations I know…and all he could say as he handed me the shoes was…”Miss I only wanted to tell you your shoes had come off!”
So sadly by the dinner time it was obvious that I was slightly more than just bruised and the head teacher took me to the local hospital where I was left to be x-rayed and told that I had a hairline fracture in my collar bone and needed a sling and a neck brace. I was in agony as I sat in the taxi back to the school…worse was to happen as he skidded round a corner I slid along the seat and ended up in a heap on the floor of the cab unable to stop myself from falling. In pain and in tears I scrambled out with only one arm working and had to ring home to say that I was unable to drive home…could someone come and get me?
The morning of the wedding arrived and I awoke to see a fat, swollen face due to an allergic reaction to the painkillers, my eyes were swollen due to crying so much and I was not a popular bridesmaid due to wearing what could only be described as an outsized sanitary towel around my neck. So much for all the dieting and exercise…I hardly floated slim and trim down the aisle!
With these thoughts running through my head I realised that it was dawn breaking outside…I hadn’t slept for hours but now I was thinking clearly about what was left to be done and the time limit we had…take a month off for Christmas preparations and shopping that leaves…6 months until the wedding…OMG… will I wear a…hat? Fascinator? Sling backs? Platforms? Pink? Grey? Blue? Green? Yellow?Long? Short? Trousers?
We’ve forgotten to book the appointment with the florist…no wait we don’t need to do that until October…am I having a corsage or flowers on my handbag? Mm...must look at those magazines and see what’s most popular… what about ‘Bridezilla’s’ jewellery? Veil? Tiara? Shoes? OMG shoes for the boys and the ’Hubby’…new socks, new underwear, are we staying at the hotel or coming home? Should we book the hotel?
Photographer? Ooo yes booked and sorted…what readings at the Church? The Vicar will guide them with that and the music for walking to and the choir…are they having a choir? Are they having flowers all around the church? Must ask…must sleep…must organise invitations…must sleep…OMG I have a fever: my head’s going to burst I can hear it buzzing…no wait that’s the alarm clock…the alarm clock? Nooo! Time to get up?
The ’Hubby’ sat up and looked at me...”Oh sweetheart, you look dreadful. Bad night? Are you in pain?” He mumbled as he shuffled to the bathroom… the words...’you have no idea…’ swam through my brain.
He leant across to get the hairbrush…picking up the torn remnants of the tablet box he asked; “What the hell does; U/S blk x 4 fasin or hat: in red lipstick stand for?”
As I stumbled across the room to open the curtains and welcome in the day I thought in reply;
… You really haven’t got a clue about wedding fever have you…?
PS still no green background...most disappointed...who knows where I've gone wrong!